I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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