Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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