Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
