I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
