Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
