Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
