I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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