If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
