you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
