I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Apparently you make a good broom.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
