he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
where are my eyebrows?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
