im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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