i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
