The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
