Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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