keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
