dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize