you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
