yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
