i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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