She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize