Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
