At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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