this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize