She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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