i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
