Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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