new low.... made out with someone while peeing
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
