My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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