i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
