I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
