Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
