I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
