So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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