omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
