I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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