so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
