You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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