She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
