I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
