If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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