I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
