When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
