Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize