she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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