I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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