Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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