like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
