yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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