I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
