1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
