so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i came on her dog
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
