if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
