Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
