so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So squirting runs in the family.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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