I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
