Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
