And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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