I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
