Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
