who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
