I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
