so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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