just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
