I could make wine with my vomit
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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