the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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