Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
