sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
