Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
