I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
