Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
