alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
